Rest In Peace

Like many of our generation, reading the obituaries is a regular occurrence….a daily ritual of sorts. Doing so, offers inspiration and encourages self contemplation. It perhaps provides a template for writing the inevitable obituary for loved ones and it prompts us to consider the content of our own obituary when the time comes.

A Life Well Lived by Big Sister

I read the obituary column in the newspaper every day, mainly because its a fascinating collection of life stories, offering much wisdom and enlightenment. With my coffee cup full and my newspaper calling me, I settle in and get started. There is much to learn about life and death in these pages before me.

The first thing that catches my eye are the pictures. If someone is smiling or holding an unusual pose, I always stop and read their story. I do feel guilty about passing over those without a picture, but I only have so much time.

Next, I look at the length of the submission which often leads to some speculation. If an entry is short I wonder about finances. It is costly to place an obituary and perhaps a longer one was not possible. Or is it short because the person was not well liked or didn’t have close family?

Conversely, a long entry might mean they accomplished much during their life or they are mourned by many, or are they showing off their wealth?

Having narrowed down my choices, I begin. What I am looking for now, and almost always find, is inspiration. There is a wealth of it in the obituaries of those who:

• obviously had a hard life and persevered in the face of much adversity
• loved deeply and were deeply loved in return
• were caregivers and active in their community
• bravely endured their illness
• enjoyed life to the fullest with laughter at the heart of their life
• ended their life on a sad note. Yes, there is inspiration even in tragedy.

Having paid my respects to these people I shall never know, but who have in many ways affected me deeply, I start my day on a note of optimism and gratitude. I have my daily dose of inspiration.

Putting Pen to Paper by Middle Sister

When a loved one passes there is a seemingly endless list of things that need taking care of. One of the things on this list is writing an obituary. Personally, I didn’t really give this a lot of thought until dad and then mom’s passing when it took on a lot of significance to me. This essentially would be their lasting legacy and a family “love letter” to them so it was important to get it right. But where to start?

After perusing obituaries in the newspaper it was clear that there were certain basics to include, among them the date and place of birth and death, names of family members, and usually a thank you to health care providers. This was the easy part, but how to capture a lifetime in a few paragraphs felt impossible especially with all the emotions so raw.

We were fortunate that all five children were present when each of our parents passed away and so could all contribute to what we said about mom and dad. What was interesting was that each of us had different memories of our parents and had different things we felt important to highlight. Fortunately one of our brothers took it upon himself to distill all our thoughts into a beautiful representation of our parents’ lives.

I can so clearly remember all of us five children sitting on Big Sis’ deck reminiscing about our parents’ lives, with lots of tears and laughter. Particularly with mom’s passing, I think we were bordering on Irish wake territory as the wine flowed.

What I only realized well after our parents’ obituaries were published, was that this was much more than an exercise of putting words on paper; it was the beginning of the grieving process. It was also the beginning of reshaping life without our parents and establishing a new “world order” in our family.

Now It’s My Time by Little Sister

As we age, I guess it’s natural to start thinking about our own obituary. I know it sounds kind of gruesome, but this is about how we want people to remember us and so worth giving some thought to.

This topic was a challenge for me. I clearly had not spent as much time thinking about obituaries and our mortality as Big and Middle Sis had and, being much younger, I think maybe my perspective was a little different from theirs.

Here’s what I think. Perhaps, thinking ahead of time about what you would want in your own obituary provides you with a road map of sorts for how you want to live your life and ultimately how you would like to be remembered. As Steven Covey puts it “begin with the end in mind.” And though, unlike my sisters, I do not make it a habit to read obituaries, I think that there is probably a lot to learn when reading about how other people lived their lives and how their families’ wanted them to be remembered.

As for myself, after going through this exercise, I’ve decided that all I really want people to remember about me is that I am a good person, and I try to do the right thing everyday.

How about you?

We plan to publish a new post every Monday, so stay tuned for our next one entitled “Biscuit Barks Back.”

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