What Would Betty Do?

Our mom Betty’s superpower was her ability to connect with others. She genuinely liked people and they liked her. So, it was a “no brainer”, when we chose communication as our May Word of the Month Challenge, to channel Mom and practice our friendly/cheerful communication skills.

That said, when we chose communication as our word for May I don’t think we really thought through the implications that COVID would have on our ability to do this. However, despite all the restrictions that COVID has brought, we Sisters are of hardy stock and so we soldiered on with our Challenge.

As you will soon see, both Big and Little Sis dealt with anger issues and communication gaps. Fortunately, they recognized their limitations and acknowledged that there are lessons to be learned. The window to follow in Middle Sis’ kinder, calmer, “woo woo” life path has been opened just a “smidge.”

I’m Smiling

By Middle Sis

I must admit to struggling initially with this challenge. How could I practice my cheerful friendly communication skills when the number of people I see in a day is usually one? That one person would be my husband and he, of course, can attest to the fact that I am ALWAYS cheerful and friendly to him , so no need to practice there. 🙂 And when I’m out of the house, the most regular interaction I have is with the person who delivers groceries to my car. Little did I know that it would be that same grocery person who would provide a “when life gives you lemons make lemonade” example of how to cheerfully communicate in spite of wearing a mask. When she arrived at my car she was wearing a mask that said “I’m Smiling” and my first thought was how much Mom would love a mask like that and it felt like I was channeling Mom as the grocery person and I had a lovely conversation. Needless to say I have an order in for an “I’m Smiling” mask.

Somewhat randomly, what also came to mind was Tyra Banks who used to tell her aspiring models to “smeyes”, which means to smile with your eyes. I thought this could be a useful thing to do when wearing a mask and trying to demonstrate your friendly cheerful nature. Not having much practice smeyesing and wanting to make sure I got it right, I took to the bathroom mirror to practice. I thought I was doing a great job until my husband came upon me and asked why I was wearing my mask in the bathroom and why I was squinting so much…. Not to be deterred, I kept practicing.

Despite not yet having my “I’m Smiling” mask and feeling a bit shaky about my smeyesing ability, being vaccinated meant I now had the chance to practice my friendly cheerful communication with more people. First up was my doctor’s office, where I had a lovely conversation with the receptionist despite her asking me if the room was too bright because it seemed like I was squinting. Next up was the hairdresser whom I hadn’t seen in over six months and so I just knew we would have a wonderful conversation catching up on everything. I’m happy to report that we chatted on and on, although at one point she did ask if I had some hair in my eye because I was squinting so much.

You won’t be surprised to learn that I have abandoned smeyesing for now, but I have learned that even when wearing a mask, it is entirely possible to have a friendly conversation with just about anyone, you just have to take the time and make the effort. A lesson well learned – thanks Mom!

Me versus Mom

By Big Sis

I started this challenge with great ambitions. I was going to be “little miss sunshine” and my experiences were going to make a difference in the lives of others…. in short, I was on fire…..smiling at strangers, complimenting everyone in sight and prancing around like I was the second coming. I was immersed in a world of self congratulation, and then it happened…..a major communication fail!

Long story short, I placed an online grocery order and from the moment I was scheduled to pick it up, things went sideways. It wasn’t ready at the scheduled time but the store employee (a young high school kid) decided that rather than communicate that fact, he would simply keep me waiting, as it turns out, for over an hour. I won’t bore you with the details, but by the time I finally got my order, the situation was tense.

Once I had a chance to calmly review the incident, I realized that I over reacted and started to think about how Mom would have handled it. In fact, it raises the question “What would Betty do? What follows is a comparison of my reactions and Mom’s probable reactions:

Upon arrival at the store

Me: Hello, I’m here to pick up my order.

Mom: Hello there, how are you on this beautiful day? I’m wondering if my order is ready…If not, no problem. I’m in no hurry.

After approximately 30 minutes

Me: Head down eyes glued to my cell phone.

Mom: Chatting with the person in the car next to her.

Employee brings out someone else’s order

Me: Eyes still glued to my cell phone.

Mom: Greets employee by name, asks how they are and tells them they look nice today.

Employee brings out yet another person’s order

Me: Gives employee the evil eye and asks “Where’s my order?”

Mom: Smiles sweetly, and asks “Will it be much longer dear?”

Order finally arrives along with a profuse apology

Me: Responds with blank stare and smoke coming out of my ears.

Mom: Smiles and addresses them by name. Asks how their day is going so far and advises them to not work too hard.

And the winner is…. Mom! Clearly my communication skills need refinement, but I blame it on genetics….specifically those inherited from my father, who at this point would have had the high school kid in a state of absolute terror and the manager’s home phone number. Mom on the other hand would have had everyone smiling and hugging before departing with a fond wave and well wishes.

In my defense, I phoned the store the next day and made sure that the young high school kid didn’t get in trouble. Oddly enough, during my conversation with the manager the word communication kept coming up. The manager assured me that he would approach the issue as a learning experience for his young employee and as an apology he gave me a $45.00 credit……Mom on the other hand would probably have ended up with free groceries for life 🙂

Are You Having a Bad Day?

By Little Sister

I had a hard time with this challenge until an incident fell into my lap. I love my ipod, and was mortified when I couldn’t get it to work. I was in a state of anger, and generalized depression while trying to figure out why this was happening to me. Can you relate?

The issue? When I tried to swipe the music icon on my ipod it wouldn’t stay open. After trying the same thing 10 times, and expecting different results (I am fully aware this is the definition of insanity), I was at a dead end. Due to the pandemic, my only logical move was to call the support center and deal with someone over the phone. I much prefer in person communication, so this was not going to be an easy task.

My call was greeted by a relatively pleasant voice, but when I started to explain my problem, the tone changed. In fact, it felt rather monotone, and frankly it seemed as if they couldn’t have cared less. I tried joking around and was met with silence. I tried all the things the technician suggested, and it still did not work. I was getting a little frustrated and I was explaining something to the person when they basically said to me ” If you stop talking over me maybe I can help you.” I was shocked and speechless at their response.

I ignored the remark, and kept moving along. The technician suggested one last thing, but it still didn’t work. When they asked if their suggestion worked I said “Yes, thank you”, and hung up. Fortunately, I was able to figure out the problem on my own, but I still had one more hill to climb. I was afraid I had lost my entire music library.

After a sleepless night, I called the service centre again. I was greeted by a friendly voice asking what they could help me with. I thought to myself after my previous experience, there was nowhere to go but up and indeed this was a good start.

After exchanging pleasantries, I explained my problem, and what I had tried. I told him I had done everything but run over my device with my car. That was met with much laughter. We joked some more, and eventually we got my problem taken care of, and the nature of our communication was key. I was able to state my problem clearly and concisely, and the technician listened and seemed to genuinely care. All was now well in my little world.

As I was pondering the two different interactions, I was determined to call back and complain to a supervisor or wait until I got an email asking me to take a survey on the service, and vent all my anger and frustration. It was then that my eye caught a picture of Mom, and my mood changed. Mom always gave people the benefit of the doubt…..she said that when you get bad service maybe that person was having a bad day and who knows what they may be dealing with in their life. She was right. I wonder what would have happened if I had just asked the rude person if they were having a bad day. I saw Mom do it once and the change in the tone of the conversation was incredible. Reacting with kindness or understanding really does work. I’ll try and remember that the next time I deal with a rude person. 🙂

Betty Would Love That!

I’m still going to fill out the survey though, and give the rude technician a bad review…..They need to up their game and perhaps I can be of some assistance. 🙂 Rock on!

We plan on publishing a new post every Monday so stay tuned for our next one entitled “Words To Live By”