Ties That Bind(er)

Today is Valentine’s Day, so I’m sure you’re expecting me to write about all things love, and I am, just from a different perspective than you might ordinarily think about.

There are the obvious ways to express love with flowers, sincere cards and expensive gifts, but sometimes love can be expressed in different ways. In our family, the “Green Binder,” became both a godsend and an awesome demonstration of love. It was truly a gift from a man who was of a generation where men were not encouraged to show their feelings.

How Do We Do This?

When our parents passed away, as executor, Big Sis had the task of sorting out all the details of mom and dad’s estate. Our parents lived a full, long life, so doing this was a fairly large and complicated process. Fortunately, our dad being the conscientious, detail oriented person that he was, left up-to-date wills, prearranged funeral details and financial and real estate information all organized and complete in one file, which made these things much easier to deal with.

A more daunting and emotional part of the process was deciding how to deal with our parents’ lifetime of treasured memories and possessions. With a large family that included children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and other close relatives this part had the potential to be a very tricky business. But to no one’s surprise, dad was one step a head of us. Enter the “Green Binder”…

We Struck Gold! (Or Should I Say Green?)

I don’t think any of us realized that the green binder even existed. It sat in the back of a drawer in our parents’ filing cabinet and was only discovered when Big Sis began the process of going through all their files. On the surface it was your average run of the mill three ring binder, but inside was a remarkable collection of information that told the story of our parent’s life through the documentation of their most treasured possessions. Page after page describing the details of each item including where purchased, the cost, the occasion of the purchase and remarkably, considering some items were purchased over fifty years ago, the bill of sale. Many of the items included were gifts and the record for these included the occasion for the gift and who had given it to our parents.

Practically speaking, the information in the green binder provided valuable information for making decisions about where each piece should go. For quite a period of time after our parents’ passing, the green binder was never far from Big Sis’ side and she referred to it regularly.

Emotionally speaking, especially in the early days after their passing, the binder also served as a touchstone for remembering our parents and our life as a family. Looking through the pages of the binder sparked lots of reminiscing, lots of tears (mostly mine) and laughter too. I have memories of sitting on Big Sis’ deck with my siblings, looking through the binder and talking about how proud dad was of the painting he received to mark the 25th anniversary at his job and how both he and mom took such pride in their collection of Swarovski crystal and looked forward to adding another piece each Christmas as their gift to each other. And we all agreed that this binder also provided the answer to one of the burning questions we all had – what was dad going to do when he retired?☺️

Dad Had A Plan

Our dad was extremely pragmatic and I’m sure his main reason for putting the green binder together was a practical one. It proved to be a lifesaver many a time for Big Sis as she carried out her executor duties. The information in it helped smooth the way for family members to receive things from our parent’s estate that were particularly meaningful to them and helped avoid dissension among family members.

I can’t help but wonder though if he also knew that the green binder would provide a way for we siblings to come together at a time when a lot of emotional decisions had to be made. He was after all a very smart man (mom always told us he qualified for Mensa), who always emphasized how important it was for family to stick together, especially during tough times. In my mind I picture dad looking down on us smiling and happy that his plan worked!

And now, several years after our parents passing, the green binder still sits on a shelf at Big Sis’ house as a wonderful record of some of the precious details of our parents’ lives and a beautiful expression of our dad’s love and caring.

And for that I say thanks dad and yes, I am working on putting together my own green binder.

Happy Valentines Day❤️

We plan on doing a new post every Monday so stay tuned for our next one entitled “Gimme Shelter.”