Biscuit the Foodie

Biscuit here. Not only am I a Doglympian, I am also a foodie. You know, an expert on everything food and drink. Because of my preference for finer canine cuisine, the Sisterhood has asked me to critique a few of my favorite watering holes. I thought this was a great idea so I arranged an adventure along with a few of my gourmet companions, Lassie, Snoopy, and Hobo.

The Sit and Stay

The first place we wanted to visit, as recommended by our good friend Marmaduke, was this cute little Doggie Diner. It was not very big, and frankly the tables were a little too close for my liking. Right away, as usual Hobo started to complain. I gently reminded him that we are out in public and to behave.

After we were seated, the friendly waitress named Sweetie Pie came over and gave us our Menus and four bowls of water. So far, so good. That is until we all looked at the Menu. We were not thrilled. It was your boring standard fare: Sausages in a Blanket, Corn beef and Kibble, and a variety of Table Scraps. The list of Beers was not much better, but we all ordered something different so we could share. That was a mistake. Snoopy was not sharing at all. He was keeping everything to himself. After we left, we all decided it was a two paws down, and as usual I got stuck with the tab.

Shake a Paw

I saw this place on one of those bar shows on TV, and it looked pretty good. It had a nice patio, and there was lots of space between the tables, so I was hoping Hobo would just keep his mouth shut. We waited about 10 minutes to be seated, and when we finally got to our table it wasn’t very busy, so we couldn’t figure out why we had to wait. Hobo of course complained.

Then the waitress came over and was not very nice at all. In fact she got into a barking match with Lassie, but thankfully it didn’t last very long. I was able to diffuse the situation and gave Lassie a treat for good behavior.

The Menus were huge, and it took Snoop forever to make up his mind. We were all getting hungry and a little restless, so we started barking to encourage Snoop to speed it up, but that didn’t work. There was a lot of eye rolling and tongue panting while we waited patiently for him to decide.

Once we finally ordered, to our surprise the food was excellent. I had the Bone in Rib Eye, and the bone was outstanding. The Beer was good as well. We decided to share a pitcher of “Who Made This Mess” and it was so good we ordered another pitcher. That was probably not such a good idea, as Hobo, Lassie and Snoop were starting to get a little tipsy.

We all agreed we would come back here, as the food and drink was outstanding and we gave it a unanimous two paws up. Again, I paid the bill. Apparently nobody had time to go to a bank machine before we went out.

Who’s a Good Puppy?

This was the last place on our list. It was just a small hole in the wall. It looked kind of dumpy from the outside, and it was not in a very good part of town. There were lots packs of stray dog gangs roaming around asking us if we could spare a treat.

Needless to say, it was very unsettling and we were all shaking by the time we got to our table. We were seated next to a gang of dogs called the Wolf Pack, which was ironic as they were a bunch of little Chihuahuas, with spikey hair and collars to match. We just tried not to make eye contact.

The waiter, who was an oversized Bulldog with an attitude to match, finally came over to take our order. We managed to gather up our courage and politely requested four Gaines Burgers, and a beer called “Hair of the Dog.” We all thought it tasted like toilet water, which was odd because we all take drinks out of the toilet now and then.

I could see that Hobo, and Lassie were starting to get, well, drunk. They started a fight with the Wolf Pack, and things got so bad, that Management took our picture and told us never to come back. The bartender was so mad at us, they didn’t even want our money. I ask you, how do you come up with a rating for a place like that?

After such an exciting evening of dining and drinking, we agreed it was time to call it a night. Because I was the Designated Dog Watcher, it was my responsibility to get these clowns home safe and sound. I decided it was best to just catch a bus and have a sleep over at my house. Guess who paid the bus fare?

I have to say all in all it was a good night, with the exception of that last place. I know we will do this again sometime, but for sure, I will insist on separate bills. A girl can only take so much.

And that’s a wrap folks. Biscuit, over and out.

We plan to do a new post every Monday so stay tuned for our next one entitled “Preparation is Key“