It’s Not Easy Being Me

Biscuit here. Ever since I was made a fulltime member of the Sisterhood, way back when, my life has changed dramatically. No longer am I the smalltown dog living in a small world. I am now a big town dog living a bigtime world. Never in a million dog years did I ever think that I would be a social media star. I thought I would just spend my days getting belly rubs, eating treats, taking long naps and reading famous dog biographies in my spare time. Boy was I wrong! While my meteoric rise to the top of the social media scene has truly been a whirlwind adventure, it really is not easy being me.

Money Changes Everything

I can’t believe how much work I have to do in order keep up my social media presence. It’s really hard sometimes. At first I tried keeping up with my emails and texts on my own but it was too overwhelming. I was a basket case and my nerves were shot! Fortunately, I managed to hit the bigtime and the money started rolling in.

When I got my first endorsement cheque the first thing I did was hire an assistant, because not only am I bad at being organized, I am bad at banking as well. I interviewed what felt like a million applicants, but in reality there was only one applicant, so I had to settle on a Chihuahua named Pipsqueak, or Pips for short. She keeps me on track to ensure I get all my blogs in on time for the Sisterhood, and schedules all my public appearances. Pips also does all the banking, pays the bills and pays herself. I am not exactly sure how much I pay her, but she will be getting a raise after she got me a spot on Oprah next month. It’s going to be fire!

Photo shoots are Pip’s specialty. She insists that my left side must be in all posed photos. Apparently my right side isn’t my best.

Appearance Really Is Everything

One of the things I did not realize when I first started all of this, was that I could actually make money, but boy what a burden that has become. The most tiresome task I have to do, is to figure how to spend all the bones I am making. The first thing I concentrated on was, you guessed it, my appearance. I got a new groomer. Pips took care of this for me, naturally, and she was right on point. My groomer Augie is the best. He always makes sure that I never have fur out of place, and my make up is to die for. (Although he does sometimes go a little heavy on the eyeliner which makes me look like I haven’t slept for days). Oh well, you can’t win them all. Augie travels with me and Pips everywhere we go.

Next up, I had to change my wardrobe. Naturally I had to hire a stylist, and someone to actually do the shopping for me. In comes Chantel, an excellent stylist (recommended by Big Sis who, as you may remember, does some styling for Little Sis.)

Chantel has a little too much attitude for my liking but she makes sure I am kept up to date with all the latest fashion trends even if I don’t like them. I am always dressed to the nines. I just give her my platinum card and away she goes. Every morning Chantel has all my clothes laid out for me for the day, but sometimes I am not really sure if it’s necessary to change outfits five times a day. Chantel is part of the entourage as well, and just as an aside we only stay in five star kennels.

Guilty Pleasures

I like to spend money on myself as well. I recently bought a diamond and ruby studded collar, and naturally I had to have the matching tiara. I had some Croc’s custom made with my face on them, so I can wear them on the days where I have to be on my paws all day. I also bought myself a massage bed, so that I can relax after a hard day of blogging. But my favorite thing to do is go to the Spa, and get a massage and a Pawdicure and I like to spend money on Pips, Augie, and Chantel. We all have custom made Gucci jackets. like the Pink Ladies in the movie Grease.

Sometimes, however, it can really be a challenge what to spend my money on. (Recently the Sisterhood asked me for a loan to expand the Sisterhood brand. The jury is still out on that one, perhaps if they let me be in more pictures on the Sisterhood blog I’ll do it.)

It’s A Hard Knock Life

As glamorous as it may seem, I also bear a heavy burden. The constant pressure of being cute and barking inspiring dog quotes is grueling. Sometimes I lie awake at night for hours contemplating where this is all going. Fame can truly be a curse my friends. Knowing that The Sisterhood supports me in every way is consolation for sure, however, more and more often I find myself dreaming of the simple life, spending my days getting belly rubs, eating treats, taking long naps, reading dog biographies and experiencing the joy of running wild and free with the wind blowing through my fur!

If you have recommendations on what future direction my life should take, I am open to any and all suggestions. Please submit them in written form, signed with a paw print certified by a notary, or if you prefer, a video barking your suggestions, as an email attachment. Thank you in advance for all your kind thoughts. I remain both grateful and humble.