Channeling My Inner Athlete

As I remember, it was a warm, sunny day in 1960, and I was missing school because I was supposedly sick. I say supposedly because my only truly vivid memory of the day was that my fifth grade teacher was speaking to my mom on the phone. I was naturally concerned that I had done something wrong and was about to be punished. Far from it. The annual athletic day was tomorrow and my team needed me. Apparently, I was the fastest runner in Grade Five and the relay team would go down to defeat without me. At the tender age of 10, I was regarded as pivotal to their success. Who knew?

I know that I made a miraculous overnight recovery and ran as fast as my short little legs would carry me, but for the life of me, I don’t remember where my team placed. In the end it doesn’t matter, because I prefer to perpetuate the assertion that I was indeed, the fastest runner in Grade Five, mainly because it appears that it will likely be my major claim to any form of real athletic prowess. In fact, I will insist that it be included in my obituary along side my many non athletic accomplishments.

A Banner Year

Grade Five was an important year in my personal development. It was then, that besides acknowledgement of my superb running abilities, I also square danced my way to celebrity status at the annual music festival. After weeks of practice and hesitation to touch the hands of Grade Five boys, our group received a first place ribbon. Unfortunately, that was the peak of my claim to fame. My status declined significantly upon my promotion to Grade Six and never really recovered.

I Have an Idea

Sixty three years later, (I was 10, remember) I look back with profound fondness on my Grade Five accomplishments. I have gained maturity and perspective with age, and I believe it is natural to attempt to relive my moments of glory. However, it seems unlikely that either running or square dancing are realistic options to fulfill such aspirations. So I convinced my husband to try activities more suitable for seniors, namely pickleball and curling. The potential for fun and social interaction seemed boundless and particularly suited to active seniors, such as us. And it was an opportunity to spend time together in a mutually enjoyable pastime. Unfortunately, I was seriously misguided.

Pickle ball was our first endeavor. At our initial session we were randomly separated into groups to determine our level of ability, in an attempt to create homogeneous learning opportunities. In other words, they wanted to figure out who had potential and who would need intensive hand holding to even reach a beginner level. You guessed it. Hubby was a natural and I was relegated to pre beginner with a few other pathetically challenged souls. And that was the end of our pickleball journey. The humiliation was too much.

So we moved on to curling. Hubby had a strong curling background and I was a novice. Not a particularly robust recipe for success. And of course it was another disaster. Hubby felt it was beneath his dignity to use any kind of stabilizing delivery aid (it meant an acknowledgement that he could no longer deliver a rock in a crouching position) and I was terrified that I would fall on the ice, so I could barely keep up with a rock, let alone sweep it. We were again one and done.

Now What Do We Do?

Obviously, this whole togetherness thing wasn’t working, so we reluctantly reverted to solitary activities, and we are both much happier. Hubby is a talented and committed golfer, and I can’t see any point at all in chasing a tiny ball into a tiny hole.

I have thus decided to devote myself to working out and strength training in the gym. If the Olympics ever endorse a box stepping, step jumping or hanging from a bar event, (as opposed to hanging around a bar😂) I will be ready to compete. Yes, at 73 years of age, I will once again channel my inner athlete and take on any and all challengers. I am confident it will be an unprecedented return to glory.

We plan to publish a post every Monday, so look for our next one entitled “The Amazon Echo Mystery.”